How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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