I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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