we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
