Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
