my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
