Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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