The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
