I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
