remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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