i jhust puked up my retainher.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
