he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
