rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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