We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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