well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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