Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
