So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
