Duck Duck Cougar?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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