Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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