woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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