Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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