good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
