I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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