dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
how drunk are you?
Several
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
