That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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