Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
