i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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