Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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