It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
