Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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