i think my tv is drunk
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
