He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
