the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
a search helicopter?!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
