member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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