I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
