When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
