Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
