just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
