Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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