But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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