theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Come see our sink grown plant.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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