I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
