You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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