hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
