I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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