end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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