I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
