I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
