You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
