I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
