Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
